Deacon Carney's Blog from the Orchard

Excitement at New Years!

2012-01-04T21:27:00.001-05:00

The year 2012 started off with a bang!

Before the excitement happened, though, I had the privilege of preaching on the feast of the Solemnity of Mary, Mother of God - New Year's eve and day. Reflection on this feast led me to a deeper appreciation of what Mary – a fifteen year old girl - agreed to and subsequently endured, in human terms. I am thinking here of the question put to her by Gabriel, which in any context would seem preposterous (Mother of God? Not married? Remain a virgin?). After that came the difficulty of finding a place in Bethlehem to give birth to her child. That was in turn followed by the need to leave the country before returning to Nazareth. Thirty years later she watched her son endure false accusations and then a brutal execution. What impressed me as I reflected on this - in the season of New Year’s resolutions - was that Mary dealt with stuff for which you would need really good intentions, by surrendering everything to the power of God. That certainly changes the perspective on New Year’s resolutions for me. We all know how long those last.

Normally I would preach at the 7:30 PM Mass on Sunday. However, this being New Year’s, the pastor offered to take that Mass for me, and give me the evening off. As I look back on it now, and have explained to him, it appears that this sequence was a gift from Mary herself. I would not have made it to the 730 Mass because I ended up in the emergency department of the hospital for 13 hours while doctors tried to figure out the nature of rather severe abdominal pains I was experiencing. To make a long story short, the conclusion points toward peptic ulcer. Believe me, you do not want to experience one of these.

While I was lying in bed in the hospital, I became aware of the pain experiences of many other people coming through that busy department all night long, including some young children. It occurred to me that some of that suffering was much worse than mine. It also occurred to me that my reflections on Mary the previous couple of days were relevant now. Pain is much worse when you are totally alone with it. It is easier to endure when you place it in God’s hands. Interestingly, because of the feast day, I also placed it in Mary’s hands. I imagined this very human mother taking care of aches and pains and cuts and scrapes in her young Son, and I imagined the touch of her soothing hand on my abdomen. I do not know whether I will ever have that experience again, but she was very real to me through this marathon.

You also become aware of other aspects of the gift you are receiving. Do you remember the story of the man who arrived in heaven complaining that God had not rescued him from the river that was rising around his house? God replied that he had sent him a boat and helicopter, and the man had turned down both. Well, I also realized that the presence of my wife with her reassuring support; and the skill of the doctors and nurses along with the vast technology available to them, were part of the overall picture of being in God’s hands.

I learned many years ago in the course of my professional work that physical pain is greatly affected by our emotional response to it, and by the meaning that it has for us. God does not usually simply take pain away, but he makes it possible to endure what life doles out to us. This is the promise of the death and resurrection of Jesus. We do well to remember that, and isn’t it ever nice when the Mother of Jesus helps with the reminders.

A very Happy New Year to everyone, and may this be a year in which you too place your difficulties and your hurts in God’s hands. I surely got an early start on that and the year already somehow looks different.

Merry Christmas, Happy Chanukah and Eid Mubarak. No Happy Holidays, please

2011-12-25T14:25:00.002-05:00

The news recently contained reports of a poll showing that Canadians overwhelmingly (73%) prefer the greeting 'Merry Christmas' over 'Happy Holidays.' Canadians endorsed the notion that Merry Christmas conveys the "original meaning and purpose of the holiday" in this country.

On Dec 24 the Toronto Star devoted its Insight section primarily to discussions of the Christmas feast. It also ran an Editorial which concluded: "For a supposed war, it's been a remarkably unsuccessful campaign..... But Christmas - the season of giving and sharing - is still wonderfully inescapable. The anti-Christmas movement, if it even exists, has failed miserably over the past two millennia, and for good reason. Life and hope in the midst of darkness are eternal and for everyone. That's what we prepare to celebrate as the light ever so gradually returns to the world."

As if that weren't enough, the Letters to the Editor were simply wonderful. One from a teacher in the Toronto public school board, who is tired of the pressure to avoid any words referring to the religious aspects of Christmas. One from a Jew who 'detests' the phrase Happy Holidays, and whose faith is strong enough "that it does not need to be affirmed by diminishing the traditions of others." One from a Muslim who notes he would dislike it very much if anyone said Happy Holidays to him instead of Eid Mubarak. He concludes, "I would like to wish all my Christian brothers and sisters a warm and very Merry Christmas."

I don't know about you, but this made my Christmas. I have sent the following letter to the Star:

Thank you to the Star for the Insight section on December 24. So wonderful to see Christmas surviving the attempts to turn ‘Merry Christmas’ into ‘Happy Holidays’. A big shout out to letter writers Joanne Clarke, Tayyab Pirzadan Jason Shron and others, for their energetic support of Christmas including when that support comes from a Muslim and a Jew. I have noticed for several years that the opposition to Christmas actually does not come from Muslims and Jews but rather from people who simply don’t like the religious foundation of Christmas. What the discussion has done for me is to increase my respect for Chanukah and Eid. Eid has passed and Chanukah ends on Dec 28. A belated Eid Mubarak and a Happy Chanukah to our Muslim and Jewish brothers and sisters, respectively. Thank you for the great respect you have shown for Christmas.

Foster parenting

2011-12-13T14:51:00.000-05:00

I have been involved in consulting work with Children's Aid Societies all my professional life. I have assessed children who needed to be in the Care of the Society, and I have assessed children while they were in Care. I have seen up close the effects of neglect and abuse. I have also been privileged to see the effects of foster parenting, and to be involved in training and coaching of foster parents. To see children blossom when they become safe, when they learn to trust that they matter and will be taken care, is one of life's great experiences. It is that for the foster parents as well, I think, even though it can be tough going at times. Children do not give away their hearts readily when those hearts have not been cared for as they needed to be.

Recently the Kingston Children's Aid Society launched a recruitment drive for foster parents, and they added a unique twist. They made a targeted approach to the faith communities in Kingston. This strikes me as a very smart thing to do. Being a church-goer absolutely does not by itself give you the skills to be a foster parent, but it does hopefully say something about the softness and the openness you would bring to this very important role. Add in the training and the potential for success looks very good.

As you can see, I support the campaign.

A meeting with faith community representatives was held on October 13, and there was sharing of experiences as well as generation of ideas how to get the word out to parishioners/ members of congregations. If you live in the Kingston area and wish to be part of this, let me know and I will put you in touch with the appropriate staff.

Whether you live in Kingston or anywhere else, the need for foster parents is significant. What about you? Want to make a difference in a child's life? This is an up-close way to do it. You would get screened, you go through training, and you get paid for the work. Call your local Children's Aid Society to check it out. In Kingston it is 613-542-7351.

Banishing (the) Christmas (concert)!!

2011-12-03T15:10:00.001-05:00

Can you believe the move by Cambridge Public School in Embrum Ontario "to push the (Christmas) concert to February and make it more inclusive, so some students who do not celebrate Christmas would not be left out of the concert"? (CBC News) And the Upper Canada District School Board apparently supports that.

My goodness. Let's cancel lunch so that the kids who don't like to eat at that time of day won't feel - wait for it - left out. Let's cancel recess for the developmental kids who have difficulty socializing. Absurd and absurd and absurd.

Meanwhile over in Quebec a really bright Federal civil servant issues an order to "banish tinsel, trees and holiday wreaths from front-line Service Canada offices across Quebec..." (Globe and Mail) That order was reversed after it was "ridiculed on Twitter, derided on open-line shows, and criticized by the very religious minorities whose sensibilities the government was ostensibly trying to protect."

As always, if you scratch a bit below the surface you will find that Muslims and Jews respect Christmas. They find it funny that Christians would fold over so easily. They do not expect Christians to do that as a matter of respect, they only want to be able to honour their own holidays and have Christians respect those. Interesting. We have a long history of just that in Canada. Events have for many years been rerouted around Jewish holidays, for instance. Rightly, no-one has asked them to forgo the celebrations or to move them. We can build on that, let's do it.

It says here that another force is behind all this. Not religious minorities, not even misguided politically correct folks. Rather, former Christians and current Church-bashers who have come to despise the role that religion but especially Christian religion plays in the public life of Canada. A great opportunity for them to push their agenda and hide behind 'sensitivity' to minorities. That form of sensitivity is increasingly seen as palpable nonsense. Get honest you folks. Religious minorities will talk to the larger community about accommodating all our religious celebrations without stopping any of them. So quit pushing the anti-religious agenda. We want religious freedom, we can achieve it, our country was built on that premise. And our country will remain strong as we continue to build on it.

The old new translation of the Mass

2011-11-29T16:24:00.000-05:00

The Toronto Star has been following the introduction of the new translation, and on Nov 29, 2011, ran an editorial about it. It was mostly respectful, though they were a bit bemused by it all. One thing caught my eye, the notion that people over 60 would probably take to it 'like a duck to water'. The assumption appears to be that if you are older, you will be familiar with it and like it. They forget that what we older folks had was Latin in the actual Mass. Anyway, I sent the following letter to the Editor:

"The revised wording of the Catholic Mass is certainly getting mixed reviews, as you pointed out. But what made you think that we in the 60-plus range would take to it ‘like ducks to water’? We are old enough to appreciate the ‘dynamic equivalence’ principle that was used after Vatican II in the 1960’s, to give us a language that sounded at all like the one we use everyday. The new translation is not new. It is essentially the one that ran side by side with the Latin in our old prayer books. It was there so we would know what the Latin was saying. But it was clunky then and it is clunky now.

Faithfulness to the ‘original Latin’ is the principle that has now moved us backward, and so a great opportunity has been missed to fine tune the post-Vatican II translation and make the liturgy even more warm and inviting. By the way, the original language of the Mass was not Latin but Greek. The Latin itself is a third-century translation (Catholic Encyclopedia). It would seem that those who led the charge on this change are not the 60-plus group but rather those who always thought Vatican II was wrong in moving from the Latin, and who have lived long enough to take it back a bit. That said, we’ll be ok, because the Mass remains a beautiful prayer in any language."

We will get used to it at some level, and yes the Mass remains beautiful. My own sentiment is that they went in the wrong direction here. Just saying.

From the real orchard again: retreat time

2011-10-24T17:24:00.000-04:00

Day 1 - The car pulls in to the property, in the dark and the rain. No matter, the atmosphere of this place is unmistakable. I am sure even the car knows it. Quiet. The trees again acting as the welcoming committee. Up the long drive, stop in front of Loyola House, unload, then park for a week. The 40-day retreat known as the Spiritual Exercises has been underway for two weeks and so this is already sacred space. Many other people like me come and go, in shorter retreats of a week or less.

Settle in, and reflect on what I want from this retreat. Before I get too far into that, though, I open my journal notebook and write the date: October 15, 2011. I note that in the journal, Oct. 15, 2011 is the day after Oct. 21, 2010! It strikes me that the years actually feel that way at times. Only a page away. A whole year. A lot has happened. I have been involved in a great many activities, and I think how I do not feel worthy of this ministry thing - and yet the Lord has given me the gifts and support I need to do it. It is his work, and I am grateful.

Day 2 - I tell my director of the experience last night, and he leads me into a reflection on gratitude. He gives me Week IV of the Exercises to pray with. I have never had this to pray with on retreat. It has always been the material of the first weeks of the Exercises, the ones that ground us, re-orient us, to our relationship with Jesus, making the ‘election’ to follow him, to surrender to him. Week IV is gratitude. The notion is that in reflecting on what God has done for me, I turn to the relationship between God and me, and commit to giving back. This is way more than ‘thank you.’ It is a commitment to a way of living, a way of seeing life. It only makes sense, since gratitude to someone with whom you are in love does not just stand there. It moves, it embraces, it seeks to please, it .... well, it loves, with great affection. With God this means doing things differently now. Mostly it means staying in the relationship, because we are actually not all that good at doing things differently. We - I, anyhow - keep falling back on what is important to me only. The process will never end in our lifetime. We call it conversion, and it is a work in progress. What has changed for me is that I used to despair of not getting rid of things in my life. Now I see better to trust the relationship with God and what God will continue to do for me.

Day 3 - rain has let up, and I can walk the land. This is a 650-acre farm that used to have animals on it, but is now used for fruit and vegetable growing. There is a sense that, like the trees on the driveway, the hills sit here and remain both quiet and beautiful in their reflection of God’s creative power. And I marvel and am grateful. I suppose they are no different than any other hills, but in this context and in this quiet, they are able to proclaim in a manner that is something akin to giving a homily. They speak of God.

Day 6 - the week has been about gratitude, commitment, and prayer. New form of prayer for me - stillness. No words. God’s presence. Invite God in. A gifted week, surprises from the Lord as always. What helps make it so authentic is that what happens is so often by surprise. Never goes as I planned it. And so, home tomorrow, taking gently the experience of God’s presence in me. Anchored in that, and hopefully passing on the fruits of it.

Of wagging fingers and the personality of God

2011-10-14T00:10:00.001-04:00

You will know from a couple of months ago that I have been waging a small battle with unnamed forces who would cast our God in the image of the Old Testament angry vengeful figure who wreaks havoc on citizens, on Kings and Queens, and on whole nations for their sinfulness.

To be sure that Old Testament language is powerful and compelling. It occurs over and over. We heard it when we (well, the slightly older generation, anyhow) were growing up, and we saw it in our art. Wow, was he - or she, no, always he - ever mad! Fire in the eyes. Lightning bolts in the hands. Meant to scare the bejabers out of us. And it did. And many people today love that stuff. Anger and fear, what great motivators, I guess.

Except they could not be more wrong when it comes to the God of Israel, the God of Jesus, the God of Peter, the God of the death and Resurrection. Are you ready? God loves Paul Bernardo. God loves Clifford Olsen. God loves, are you ready again? Adolf H.

"God is love, and the one who abides in love abides in God." (1 John 4:16)

There is the point. The one who does NOT abide in love - love for God, love for God's people - is in for such devastation, self-induced devastation especially in the form of loneliness, isolation, alienation, that we cry out for images to express it. The Old Testament image was of the angry warrior God. Served its purpose in a warrior culture. Needs to be brought into better perspective, a perspective given us by the Good News. Oh yes Jesus talks about people being thrown out into the darkness, imagery his contemporaries would have understood, but he told the parable of the Prodigal Son too. Fr. Eric Jensen says that all the parables of Jesus need to be seen through the lens of that one. And if you read that parable you see that it is the elder son who represents the angry personality, not the father.

"God is love....." The thing is, God holds us to our word if we turn away from him. No need for lightning bolts. We bring the devastation on ourselves. It is built in. But the love is not, repeat not, withdrawn. It is waiting in exactly the same way it was waiting for the prodigal son. But it will never be imposed.

So here is where I find an article in the Toronto Star on October 3, 2011, interesting. Rabbi Dow Marmur quotes writer David Brooks as saying that today's people are "more than ever led to believe that the free-floating individual is the essential moral unit." Great observation. Rabbi Marmur goes on to say " "We find it very difficult to see reality other than through the lens of our personal needs and aspirations. We want clergy to applaud, not castigate us. We distance ourselves from traditional religion when we perceive it to wag accusing fingers at us......... Morality was once revealed, inherited and shared, but now it's thought of as something that emerges in the privacy of your own heart. "

Beautifully put. What catches my imagination here is that this is today's 'violence' if you will, at the hands of God. Nobody will listen - nor should they - if you tell them that God burned down their house as punishment for their sins. But they should take notice of the wagging finger. It is the finger of the parent punching the air to make a point. It is the finger of the teacher raising the voice to get our attention. It is the wagging finger of - no, not punishment, anger or retribution. It is the wagging finger of someone who loves you so much that they want to get your attention and say, hey it's over here! I have Good News for you!

Hopeful signs in a cynical world

2011-09-12T13:42:00.004-04:00

It has been an event filled summer, with the surgery mentioned earlier, and a little traveling. Hope everyone had a chance to rest and get re-energized going into the new year of school and work.

A couple of things struck me in this brief pause. Here they are.

Two areas get my attention the most as I relate to the world around me: the attacks on the Church and the attacks on the family. Related to the attacks is the plain deterioration in the numbers of people participating in either.

I hear people say that it is really important to just be a good person. Religion is not necessary for that. And so they stay away. I hear people attack the moral teachings of the Church, and support the attacks by referring to the scandals in the Church.

Similarly, the family unit is seen as a 'conservative' value now. People who truly live in the modern world are emancipated from constraints of marriage structure, and so just move in together. Heart-breaking it is to see children you know who have grown up in practicing Catholic/ Christian families so easily throwing over those values. What goes with them of course is stability for children in a family unit. Yes, some partnerships are stable. But the cultural ethos has shifted. It says here that the pragmatic, entitlement-based values that emerge, are in fact destructive for our society.

I don't think we need go around wearing black over all this. Indeed we need to be hopeful people if we believe and trust the Good News of Christ.

It surely helps to see signs of the hopefulness.

Over the summer, my faith was given a shot in the arm on August 15. You may know that this day is still a holy day of obligation in the US, since it is the feast of the Assumption of Our Lady. Well this year August 15 fell on a Monday. It had been made clear that Monday was not a day of obligation, because the Solemnity of the feast was celebrated at the Sunday liturgy. Wouldn't you take the day off on Monday? Well there we were at the noon Mass on our vacation in Guardian Angels Cathedral, on Monday August 15. I looked around, and said to my wife, 'Get a load of this!' The place was full! Thank you thank you to those people. I walked out of there very refreshed and renewed just on the participation I witnessed. Practice of the faith is alive and well.

Back home, we went to one of those great feast dinners at the Portuguese parish hall. We were there early enough to see the families streaming in from the parking lot. Dinner is served by parishioners, and we see people working who used to be little girls and boys at these events. Now they are contributing. Teenagers and older! While we are eating dinner, the next generation of little kids is on the dance floor - before the music has even begun. Then the music starts, and adults have to be patient - because the little kids are still there! As things settle in, you see little boys learning to dance by being carried in the arms of their mothers. Little girls dance in a group, they have it down already, and they can't stop moving!

And the thought occurs, ohmigosh, this is all about family! They have problems like everyone else, I have no doubt about that. But what these kids are getting is a template for what support is all about. What being loved is all about. I trust that the stability will maintain for them - and may that community never lose it. It is not only good for them, but I need it. I need to see it and be strengthened in hope that what is dismissed as so yesterday, is in fact life-saving and life-giving. Thank you thank you, Portuguese community.

Shouldice happenings!

2011-07-24T15:18:00.003-04:00

It is a total mystery to me how you develop a hernia in your 60s. But you might, and I did.

I have known for years about the world-class reputation for hernia repair, of the Shouldice Hospital. I just never saw myself being in the position to test that reputation. There I was, though, on a Monday morning in May, attending the walk-in consultation clinic that they hold on a daily basis. The doctor confirmed that I had a hernia. However he said: "You have two."

I was admitted on July 17 and had my first surgery on July 18, the second on July 20. They do them under local anaesthetic, thus making the recovery a more rapid process, and making the second surgery possible in a short time. The interesting thing about being in a facility like this, is that the other 80 or so people are all there for the same purpose and so in a sense you know everyone before you even get there. Hernias appear to be a male phenomenon, primarily. There were only three female patients at the beginning of my week, and seven or eight at the end of the week.

One feels quite proud to have a facility like this in Canada, a feeling that is enhanced by the presence of Americans who make up approximately 1/3 of the patient population. Many people come to the Shouldice to have repairs done to earlier hernia surgery that has ultimately failed. The Shouldice success rate is close to 100%.

There were a lot of laughs and a good sense of camaraderie throughout the seven days of my stay. But what really caught my attention was how in a short time like this, the Lord kept revealing himself through other people. A casual remark about one's work, or a conversation about values all of a sudden leads to a sharing of faith experiences. I met a man who works in spiritual direction as I do. I met another who did not seem to have any particular faith, but who was very interested in Catholicism. Yet another was a daily Mass goer who works with the St. Vincent de Paul Society. The conversations I had with these and other individuals kept me anchored in awareness that the Lord was present and that I could safely hand over to him any anxiety I might have about the procedures I was undergoing. Meanwhile, my wife was discovering that her Bed and Breakfast hostess was getting ready to go to Mass at St. Joseph's Morrow Park. That is where my wife went to school. The ensuing conversations were similarly faith sharing experiences for her. We were both amazed at the ways the Lord finds to reassure us.

A final note about the local anaesthetic. You are given sedation prior to the surgery, and it turns out that in my case, I was even more dopey than my usual standard, later! My wife told me that she would show me the e-mails I sent her later on the day of my surgery, after she returned to the Bed and Breakfast. She said that her years of being an elementary school teacher came in handy as she read them. Here are a couple of examples. See if you can decipher them.

Bit rough. It hurts. I will do it again whenb you are. Only weentt down the hall. Ykes.

Just going to stand up for shtroll. The standing is the head part get a good sleep. Worst is over. And thank you.

How do you like it served? Medium-scare, or warm and inviting?

2011-06-21T14:41:00.006-04:00

I recently heard of a person giving a talk at an elementary school, and scaring the kids with stories of the devil and hell, etc.

In our day and age, you do not hear much of this kind of thing. Catechetics has moved to a more invitational, love-based approach to teachings about God and our relationship with God. Some people feel that this approach misses the mark. Today's kids not only do not know about sin, they say, they also do not know about their faith - meaning things like the four cardinal virtues, the three theological virtues, the seven deadly sins, and so on. The theory is that armed with such knowledge, we will be in better position to have a properly informed conscience, make better moral judgements, and so on. Throw in the terrors of hell, and you theoretically bump up the motivation to live a good life.

By contrast, the invitational approach says that Jesus brings Good News of salvation. Jesus above all wants people to know him, more than know about him. Jesus castigated the Pharisees over and over in the Gospel because they knew everything there was to know about the law and the traditions of Israel, yet were morally and spiritually bankrupt. Love one another as I have loved you, Jesus told his followers. Do not be like the Pharisees.

In the parable of the Prodigal Son, the elder son knew and kept the rules. The one thing he did not know was the only thing he really needed to know - he did not know his father. Neither did the younger son, initially. He sure does now. The elder son when last seen was still outside, mad and bitter.

There never will be an end to the debate, I suppose. I 'learned my faith' from the Baltimore Catechism, and many people of my generation would say that is the kind of forum in which our faith should be learned.

I have news for them. People of our generation learned our faith by going to Mass with our parents. By saying the Rosary at night. By going to wakes of people you might not have even known - and by taking food to the family of the deceased person. We learned to live the virtues, we learned to live our spirituality. We were brought to the point where our relationship with Jesus could take hold and become truly ours. That got lost in the discussions about what kind of catechism, we were or are using.

In the end, the invitational approach is not what has failed our children. Parents have failed our children. We are not going to Mass ourselves, and over and over what we see in parishes is the kids in effect bringing their parents to Church when it comes to sacramental preparation and sacramental participation.

As for our relationship with God, the invitational approach is the one. It certainly is what people hear at our parish, St. Paul the Apostle - all the way from the gathering area to the sanctuary to the ambo (pulpit). People come back because they love it. People participate because they sense the holy, not because they are frightened to death.

I scanned a picture out of the local newspaper recently. It is a springtime image of a mother duck swimming with her ducklings right behind her. Those ducklings simply 'know' they are safe. They will never need lectures on what they are supposed to do. They simply know who they ARE - to their mother. What do you think would happen if she started to chase them all over the pond or the field or the barnyard? They would scatter, that's what.

Our Church has chased its young, and they have scattered. Some of us older folks fall prey to the temptation to keep right on doing that - chasing. We are convinced they need to hear everything we want to tell them. Probably they do. But children will come to fear God after they love God - because they will never want to hurt their relationship with him.

Nobody every came to love another by being told scary stories about them.

We parents need to think this through. For our own practice of the faith. For the model we provide our children. And for what we will say about the catechetical program in our schools.

A Plaintive Question

2011-05-03T10:55:00.000-04:00

I was recently facilitating a little group that was dealing with a variety of topics in and around the Catholic faith. A person had a question about the sexual abuse scandal in the Church. At first I thought the question might be of the angry, attacking variety. But it wasn't. It was a plea, in a way. Please tell me if things are different. Will sexual abuse cases be handled differently now and in the future, or is the same old, same old, attitude of cover-up still around?

I sensed the emotional tone of the question. My answer included first-hand information to the effect that priests in our Archdiocese, and I am sure everywhere else certainly in North America, have been told in person at meetings that they have a legal obligation to report child abuse of any kind, to the Children's Aid Society. They do not call anyone for permission or authorization to do so. The Church has underscored and endorsed this obligation.

I added that in the same spirit, I at least suspect that the days of moving known abusers around, no matter what the motivation (eg, prevent public scandal, avoid embarrassment, etc, etc), are hopefully over. I believe they are.

Yesterday, I read an article in the National Catholic Reporter that adds to my hope. My hope not only that there is a process in place to handle 'cases', but more importantly in the long run, addressing the systemic issues. Being open to look at the question 'who have we become, that allowed this to take place?'

The article was written by Tom Roberts and is dated Apr 22, 2011. Mr Roberts is reporting on a conference he attended at Marquette University Law School, titled “Harm, Hope, and Healing: International Dialogue on the Clergy Sex Abuse Scandal.” Here are some excerpts:

Not much new surfaced in terms of content. The difference in this conference -- indeed, the something new -- could be seen in two elements: Bishops and priests were speaking in a way that one rarely hears them talk about sex abuse; and in their prepared remarks, many of the clerics dared to look at themselves and what we call, for lack of a term that accommodates more nuance, clerical culture..........

Archbishop Diarmuid Martin of Dublin, Ireland, whose speech -- by now widely circulated -- was the plain-spoken antidote to the worst of the clerical culture’s equivocations about the crisis.

His questions ranged to what might have been going on in seminaries that abetted a culture that accommodated abusers. He wants a priesthood reformed with candidates who display a high level of maturity regarding not only human sexuality “but in overall mature behavior and relationships.”

He is concerned by young priests who seem more interested in achieving “some form of personal security or status” than with service and by the signs “of renewed clericalism” among new priests. At a time when many think enhancing Catholic identity means a greater separation between clergy and laity, Martin wants his seminarians to be educated with laypeople “so that they can establish mature relationships with men and women and do not develop any sense of their priesthood giving them a special social position.” ...............

A panel of six priests of the Milwaukee archdiocese spoke movingly of personal conversions, of moving from betrayal to new understanding, from disbelief of early reports of the scandal to a new awareness of the need for truth. “We must speak the truth, I must speak the truth, and not close our eyes to the truths that are all around us,” said Fr. Howard G. Haase. “We must not pretend we don’t know and convince ourselves that if we wait long enough it will all go away.”

I sign my letters and emails with the tag, "Remember, we are in the hope business." Perhaps that assertion is being vindicated here, and meaningful change is underway at many levels. The entire Church community will be the beneficiary, and the Good News of Jesus will continue to lead us.

Some Lenten thoughts

2011-03-19T15:14:00.000-04:00

I was reading a book on Ignatian spirituality recently – St. Ignatius Loyola being the founder of the Jesuits. The discussion that stuck with me was the one dealing with our creature comforts. I have always found this fascinating in Ignatius. He was a big proponent of the virtue of ‘indifference.’ By this he means neither seeking nor avoiding, neither wishing nor refusing, anything in life that is not evil in itself. The list includes health, wealth, and even long life. As I recall, the author of the book was talking about reviewing our modern life, and the great range of comforts Ignatius could not even imagine. He asked the question, what is it that you really need, on your own personal list? What could you do without?

The question puts a new perspective on giving things up for Lent. It could be that we approach Lent not as doing a self-punishment, but rather as practicing what indifference really feels like. I am far from indifferent to everything I possess, including Ignatius’ original list. I know I feel rather strongly about most things I have, from my ability to think, to my car, to my lifestyle. I do realize that as good as they all might be, they have a way of confining me. Giving something up for Lent will help me practice freeing myself up for God. That is all that Ignatius wanted, this was the whole point. It was not about the things, it was about our disposition towards them. We are hanging on more tightly than we realize. Lent gives us a chance to test that a bit. And as I see it, it does not have to be a really big thing, it only needs to happen.

I also came across a saying of Mother Teresa that I do not recall hearing before. It follows nicely on the above. Here is what Mother Teresa said:

The fruit of silence is prayer,
The fruit of prayer is faith,
The fruit of faith is love,
The fruit of love is service,
The fruit of service is peace.

Join those thoughts to a little practice of ‘indifference’, and you arrive at what Ignatius was striving for, too. Increase in faith, increase in love, increase in actually doing things for others, increase in peace. That is a remarkable promise. Start it off as Mother Teresa suggests – with a little silence.
Have a good Lent. Be ready, really ready, for the triumph of the Cross and Resurrection of Jesus.

A Good Story

2011-02-21T17:29:00.000-05:00

Someone recently loaned me the book 'Christ the Lord - The Road to Cana', by Ann Rice. It is one of those stories of Biblical times, in which the author starts with the scripture account, then imagines what happened between events and between the lines. All of that becomes the material for the novel.

The story is not densely packed, and that is both its strength and its weakness. It is easy to follow. And you meet a very human Jesus as he becomes aware of who he is, and what the Father is asking him to do. His tender affection for young Avigail, whom everyone expected he would marry, is touching, and reassures the reader that he truly did have all those emotions. His response to his mother at the wedding feast, when she manipulated him into performing his first miracle, is humorous in a divine kind of way!

But the scene that was especially well done is that of Jesus' confrontation with Satan in the desert. It is not the temptations delivered in three terse sentences, but a long discussion, a battle of wits. Satan makes a good case about the plight the Jewish people have been in for centuries, about how they will continue to be swallowed up by their enemies, and about how they are looking for a deliverer. Then the temptation: "Not the simplest victory is accomplished unless I'm part of it. ...... Worship me and I will show you what is mine. I will give you the victory of which your prophets sang."

The sales job is very very good!

Jesus answer is wonderful: "You're the Prince of the Lie. And this is the lie: that you and the Lord God are equal, locked in combat with one another. That has never been so."

This is not scripture, to be sure. But as, for example, with the novel "The Shack", the author makes a contribution nonetheless. We are given a frame of reference for our own imaginings - and we most surely do have them. For me, that temptation scene shows Jesus, weak with hunger in the desert, engaging in a mighty battle. He is not the wooden figure who issues three super human responses. I relate to that because my battles are often mighty also, and I frequently lose. This story both affirms what I already believe about Jesus' power, and at the same time reassures me that the response asked of us in temptation is not a stretch that is beyond us. We do not have to despair, no matter how bad things get.

Postscript: note to Mary. Thank you for your message! Would love to continue with the dialogue, even meet at St. Paul's if you are in this area.

A shout out to the Sisters!

2011-02-02T16:20:00.002-05:00

It has happened to me before, so I should know by now. You simply cannot outdo women religious in hospitality and generosity. My most recent encounter with that kind of gift-giving was time I spent over a period of three days, talking to the Religious Hospitalers of St. Joseph here in Kingston.

That community is discerning, as are many religious communities, how their mission and their charism are going to be lived in a world of decreasing numbers and aging members.

I thought I was to do the giving, but instead I came away so humbled by what they gave me. The sung blessing over me and my wife before we left, will stay with me always. The cheerfulness, the laughter, the camaraderie were reminders of the beauty of community life, even in the face of uncertainty. They were also reminders that ministry never ends, never takes a rest. I felt ministered to, and I go away feeling a bit more intentional about doing the same to others. The opportunities to be Christ to other people are not limited to formal structures or to liturgical celebrations. They are everywhere. In that sense, something I said to the group seems even more compelling now: the mission and the charism of this community may evolve in their manifestation, but they will never be outdated. The world desperately needs what the members have to offer. Every moment of the day. Thanks, Sisters! We will try to live up to your wonderful example.

Best wishes for a wonderful 2011!

2011-01-03T17:31:00.001-05:00

It started out great and then took a sudden turn. A beautiful and quiet dinner on New Years was followed by a chest cold that has put a damper on things. Now to add to the frustration, Windows has somehow made my emails disappear on one computer. Everything has to go up from here, right?

Christmas was wonderful, and the church part of it was unique, with the Saturday – Sunday back-to-back feasts of Christmas and Holy Family, then a week later New Years (Feast of Mary Mother of God) and Epiphany. In Canada, all four days were Holy Days of obligation. Hats off to the pastors who celebrated all the Masses involved! By my count we had 16 Masses at St. Paul’s on the two weekends. It was a privilege to preach on the Sundays, with Father taking the Christmas and Mary Mother of God feasts.

I go into the New Year with the theme of Epiphany running around in my head. I was struck this year by the notion that the Magi – whoever they were – went back to their own country and told about what they had seen. Why did they go in the first, place I wonder? They were probably from Persia, we are told, a journey of 1000 or more miles. They were also not of the Jewish faith. No matter: they saw a young child, and were faced with the question, what do you make of this? What do you say about it? Whatever their answer was, they apparently took that away with them. We are faced with the same question, what do you say about this? And I think we have the same challenge to tell about it in the land we inhabit. The birth of the newborn Messiah cannot be known if we do not make it known. I want to do that better in this year.

I have a prayer by Cardinal Newman that ends this way: Let me preach You without preaching, not by words, but by my example, by the catching force, the sympathetic influence of what I do, the evident fullness of the love my heart bears for You.

The prayer is to live the life, not just say the words. I ask that grace for all of us.

Merry Christmas! Yes, it's Christmas!

2010-12-10T17:36:00.001-05:00

Is it just me, or have you also noticed that people are saying 'Merry Christmas' a whole lot more this year than last? The first thing that alerted me to this was the Canadian Tire ad in which the adult daughter of an elderly woman takes her out for a while, and the rest of the family with grandchildren decorate the house and tree outside. When the two woman return later, the lights go on, and the daughter says to her mother 'Merry Christmas'. I sat up in my chair and asked my wife if I heard that right. Yes, I did. The ad continues with a voice-over that includes wishes for 'Happy Holidays'. Now I don't know about you, but I find that perfectly acceptable. After last year, the greeting 'Happy Holidays' just made me sad. Political correctness, oh my. I am ok with 'Happy Hanukkah' and also with 'Eid Mubarak', greetings for Jewish and Muslim feasts that occur during this time of year. Interesting, I have not yet read an article by religious Jews or Muslims condemning 'Merry Christmas'. Those kinds of things seem to come from folks who want religion taken out of Christmas. That means in first instance taking Jesus out. How wonderful it is to hear people and ads and television shows using the word Christmas. Makes my day.

If you are reading this and you are a Christian, I challenge you to use what for you is the correct and accurate greeting. December 25 refers to one event and one event only. If you are not Christian, or are no longer Christian, I hope you are a person of good will who understands that, commercialization notwithstanding, keeping this reference in the culture alludes to freedom of religion, rather than being an issue of freedom from religion.

In the news! Read all about it!

2010-11-25T15:04:00.005-05:00

Take your pick! What big change happening in the Church got your attention recently? I suppose the first one would be the news that the Pope has said that use of condoms may be morally permissible in some circumstances. When I heard this news I had to read the story twice. I was sure that there had been a misquote. Apparently not. My own reaction was, something big has happened here. Indeed the world felt different. However, Vatican press secretary Father Federico Lombardi insisted that nothing had changed in Church teaching.

Father James Martin, an American Catholic commentator and writer, was quoted by the National Post as saying: “It’s the first admission from a pope that a condom can be used for a good intention,” ...... “Just a few years ago, the Vatican would have rejected these ideas outright, even though they had great currency among theologians. Clearly, something has changed.”

Pope Benedict is a scholar and knows moral theology extremely well. He has applied principles from that discipline that have been around for hundreds of years, and this time has come up with a new direction. Though aimed at a rather narrow set of circumstances, questions are already being raised about the applicability of this teaching in, for example, marriage.

I do not know where this will go, but the optics would suggest that nothing has been as significant since the discussions around artificial contraception in post-Vatican II years.

The second big change happening is in the translation of the prayers of the Mass. This will affect all of us, because we will hear the changes and participate in saying the language of the changes when they finally come out in a couple of years. In the meantime there is a big controversy happening. It centres around the principles that were used in making the translation. Notably, the scholars were to adhere faithfully to the Latin text on which they are based. For example, are you old enough to remember 'Dominus vobiscum' and its response 'Et cum spiritu tuo'? The English we have been using goes: 'The Lord be with you', with the response,'And also with you'. The response will change to the more literal 'And also with your spirit.' Some of the changes flesh out the underlying theology a bit more, and the result is that the text is going to be longer. However, another result is, for example, that the word 'consubstantial' is going to appear in the Creed, in place of 'One in being with....' Do you know what consubstantial means?

So the argument is made that a literal fidelity to the Latin produces an awkward and even unintelligible English. Those who take that position would favour a principle of 'dynamic translation' which takes the translation and then asks, how would we say that today? The effort would be to preserve the theology but to do so in a way that today's parishioner would better comprehend.

Stay tuned on both these big stories. They are very big. There is much more to come. Through it all, ask the Holy Spirit to continue to guide the Church and give her leaders the great gifts of openness, fidelity, and generosity.

The real orchard

2010-10-31T15:38:00.001-04:00

I am back from my annual week in the orchard at Guelph, the one that has both literal and figurative meaning for me. Literal, because yes there actually is an orchard. Figurative, because it has become for me an image of the relationship between creation and the Creator. In the Fall when I go there, the apples are being picked or have just been picked. The leaves have not yet fallen, but they will. Nature does not deny the season and the inevitability of change as we humans like to do. Squirrels, groundhogs and no doubt a thousand species of insects are reading the signs of the time. Geese are getting ready to go south, and the young ones are doing a lot of practice flying. The relationship between Creator and creation, Artist and art, God and the universe, is orderly and well designed, when you see it in this perspective. I just stand in the middle of it and drink it all in. The setting - at the Jesuit run Loyola Spirituality Centre - is so wonderful that God seems to be there a lot. It is easier to meet God there than in a whole lot of other places.

Actually, part of renewing and strengthening my relationship with God at this place is the awareness that inevitably arises, that this is about my openness and intentionality, not about God's sudden presence. This awareness is almost as important as anything else that happens on a retreat, because it provides the bridge back to the everyday world. A reminder to sustain the discipline of regular prayer, to 'practice the presence' of God in my own mind. God awaits. Patiently.

Every year, I anticipate the grace I am going to ask for on the retreat. You do that by reviewing the months since the last retreat. Turmoil? Conflict? Doubt? Laziness? In prayer, those things will arise quite readily.

Well this year, the grace I was going to ask for was that of gratitude. I wanted to make a retreat thanking God for all the wonderful gifts I have received. I do not pay enough attention to that. So the retreat did indeed start on that theme. But as often happens, it did not stay there. It evolved to a theme of re-grounding in a deeper awareness of discipleship - the call from Jesus to follow him - wherever that may lead to. That led to prayer for spiritual freedom - because you cannot follow Jesus with attachments that take you down a different road. And you cannot even wish for such freedom without deeply loving Jesus. Otherwise it is all a heady exercise, not going really anywhere. But, see? Even that renewed and deepened awareness is a gift. I know to say thanks for that.

And then I watch the activity in the orchard and I smile. I see the relationships with the Orchard Master. Signs of the times. God gives us lots of those. With the right eyes - the eyes of the heart - we see them. With the right motivation - gratitude and love - we open ourselves to the invitation to respond to them and let God in to lead us as we do so.

Praying with Scripture

2010-10-12T14:26:00.000-04:00

We started our first Lectio Divina series in the parish recently. I am really excited about this, and I find myself moved by the experience. Have to remember that I have been doing this kind of prayer for nearly 20 years now, and so I reassure people at our sessions that it may not come easy. Be patient! The Lord will surely provide. What you really need to bring with you is the hunger for an encounter with God, and an openness to hear whatever God wishes to communicate to you.

This is where things get tricky. Because when we pray, we are used to saying prayers. In Lectio Divina, the main activity is listening.

Lectio Divina was started some 800 years ago, and there are a number of traditions within it. All have the same goal - to take you into an experience of the Scripture, where you can encounter God. Notably, where you can meet Jesus and actually dialogue with him. For this you need quiet and time. It is not just meditation about the passage. It is not Bible study. It is entering in.

There are four 'movements' in this kind of prayer: 1. Reading the passage, preferably out loud; 2, meditating on aspects of it (there are lots of written guides for this); 3, praying, as in asking God for the grace you wish to receive during this time; and 4, entering into stillness, to just be with Jesus, be with God.

I really like the way St. Ignatius Loyola approaches scripture through the use of imagining the scene. This is a great entry into the passage, and all you are interested in is looking around, seeing who is there,noticing the setting, and most especially, seeing Jesus. Listening to him. Maybe talking to the disciples or to Mary, or to a bystander.

Inevitably, when praying with the Gospels, I am a bystander, watching. Inevitably, I meet Jesus' gaze, and he calls me over. We talk, and it is beautiful. I know that he knows everything about me, but I am not scared by that. I can say what I feel, and he will respond, maybe with a reassurance, maybe with a challenge. But always, the experience lingers. A good idea is to write down the experience right away, so you can go back and see how it actually did move you.

I encourage everyone to learn about this prayer form. We do not get enough time at Mass to really have such an encounter with Jesus. And yet we know that Jesus is present not only in the Eucharist and in the assembly, but also in his word. How are we ever to meet him there? This is it. I promise you a powerful experience of prayer.

To learn more, just Google Lectio Divina. Lots of stuff on the Internet.

History made!!

2010-09-26T22:58:00.007-04:00

Two great things to report on today. Both have to do with dreaming big!

Number one is the "first sustained flight in a human-powered, wing-flapping aircraft." You have read it in the news. There is a BBC link where you can also see the video. It is history - not in the making but made! These guys from the University of Toronto were inspired by sketches made by none other than Leonardo da Vinci. Many others have tried to make the dream happen, but these guys actually did it.

I point this out for two reasons (other than the sheer magnificence of the feat). One, if you see the video, you will be looking at a runway on a farm that is minutes down the road from where I grew up, in Tottenham Ontario. When I went to school from my grandparents' farm, I walked or rode right past this field.

The other reason is, I accomplished something no less grand this weekend. My first Internet Sabbath ever! I had the same case of nerves, no doubt, that the young aviators had! But I also had the same sense of something really neat happening, while it was on. Hopefully millions will be inspired!

"....(S)lipped the surly bonds of Earth" (John Magee, High Flight) .... Slipped the bonds of the Internet ("Every Friday we unplug the modem and we are off line at home the whole weekend. So simple, but it has revolutionized our lives." William Power). Amazing.

Look for them both in the Guiness Book of World Records! You heard it here first.

"Internet Sabbath"

2010-09-20T16:14:00.000-04:00

An article caught my attention in July, and I saved it in my ‘Keep Near’ file. Do you see a problem here?

Anyway, the article was titled “Hamlet had a BlackBerry too”, and it was in the Toronto Star. The author, Jennifer Hunter, interviewed William Powers who wrote a book on that theme. Powers traced the history of ‘messaging’ and found that great thinkers and writers all the way back to Plato took advantage of new technology to bring ‘more efficient ways of communicating.’

With Plato, it was the alphabet itself, technology that let people move from their reliance on oral communication. For Hamlet, it was the tablet. Shakespeare gives one to Hamlet, and so it is assumed the Bard himself had one. The tablet was carried around to help people organize their day. And it could be wiped clean at night (If only!).

The problem has become that we have so much information flying around that our minds are going to be overwhelmed. Powers refers to Marshall McLuhan writings on media, and how they have created the ‘global village.’ But, he adds, McLuhan taught that we can take control of the process. And we do not have to blame our gadgets when we feel befuddled.

Control. There is a nice word.

Plato took control by going for walks. Powers has instituted a plan in his family – presumably with their agreement! – that is a variation on Plato. Every Friday night they unplug the modem and have an Internet Sabbath. “So simple, but it has revolutionized our lives.”

I know why the article caught my attention. The idea is extremely attractive.

I also know why it got buried in my ‘Keep Near’ file. I break out in a cold sweat thinking about it.

Well, I am ready to take the plunge. This Friday. I will keep you posted. Now where are those books I want to read? And aren’t there some crosswords I have saved? What about Scrabble with my wife…..?

Thinking about heroes - Momma and Sally

2010-08-29T11:58:00.001-04:00

I am sure we all have heroes in our lives. People who have inspired us at a particular time, for a particular reason. There are sports heroes, action heroes, volunteer work heroes, spiritual heroes. At one time or another I think I have had people in mind who might fit those various categories.

The heroes that impress me more and more as I get older, are those who first of all would wonder who you were referring to, if you called them heroes. People, who, secondly, no matter what their struggles, impress as just plain good people. Persons who, finally, lived their life with a deep faith and both showed it and said it. Some of these are public and well known - such as Jean Vanier, Mother Teresa, Pope John Paul ll. Who are the ones in our lives that will never attain that kind of notoriety? Those are the ones I take delight in thinking about. Those are the ones who truly inspire me to be better than I am.

I have written many times about my first hero - first, as in top of the list. That would be Momma Gus, an 80+ year old woman of colour whom we met in the U.S., and who grew up in Mississippi. Her wisdom and her spiritual counsel were so simple and so wonderful at the same time, that I could listen to her all day. Never preachy, just witnessing to her own powerful faith in an all-loving God. Telling us (my wife and I) many times that she was 'ready to go into glory' whenever her God called her. Reminding us that we needed to pray. I took all that away from our many conversations, and because of the deep personal conviction I was hearing, it all moved me and stayed with me.

I have a new hero. Sally Saunders died last night, after a big battle with cancer. I have had the privilege of watching her faith grow over the years, to the point that when everything was on the line with her health, she too turned with complete trust, to the God who, she realized, has brought her through life this far with many blessings. Blessings. Not curses. Not bitterness. Not why me? Like Momma, she told me that she had placed all this in God's hands. Like Momma, her faith did not come from reading theology or going to learned lectures. It came from believing the Gospel, believing the promises made by Jesus. It came from trusting Jesus.

My goodness, how we falter in that area, I think. I speak for myself here, anyway. You do your own reflection. Faltering is often not a conscious turning away from God. It is rather not being turned toward God. And so we get very down, we get angry, we get bitter. We are blessed indeed when we have the sudden awareness that this is what has been happening with us. We can change direction. Always we can change direction. That is what is so wonderful about this relationship we have with Jesus. He keeps inviting, and he keeps waiting.

And without our even knowing it, he sends people into our lives to kick start the awareness. If we have eyes to see, let us see. That is all the thanks our heroes would want.

And today I thank God for the Momma's and the Sally's of this world. Rest in peace good and faithful ladies.

More time? The phenomenon of evolving priorities.

2010-08-13T22:44:00.000-04:00

I cannot believe how time is flying! When I was a very young kid, I recall thinking that the summer break was actually a year long. When I learned it was only two months, I was so dismayed I think I felt like I was smothering!

Now as an older guy who is theoretically semi-retired, angst about the short time to the beginning of the new school year is merely an old memory. What is getting my attention now are comments from golfing buddies to the effect 'Why aren't you getting out more?' Aren't you supposed to have more time on your hands now?

Truth is I am beginning to learn what I have heard over and over from retirees - they are busier than ever! And I am still only semi-retired.

I truly thought that I all I would do in any free time I had after I closed my office, would be to play golf. The thing is, priorities begin to shift. There are projects around the house, there are new opportunities to spend time with people in ministry. And there is a whole lot of catching up to do for all that time taken from a very patient wife over the years. Time spent at meetings, time writing reports. I find that it is delightful beyond what the every day world would have led me to believe, to spend time with this wonderful person who has said she would be with me through thick and thin. And she has done all of that. Now my turn, happily.

But the rearranging of priorities will continue, and that includes ensuring time for this Blog, which I so eagerly looked forward to having.

Right now, I share with you a link that has a funny but ever so serious message - about the Church in post-Vatican ll times. Copy and paste into your browser, than see what you think. Meantime I hope you are enjoying your summer.

http://southernorderspage.blogspot.com/2010/08/now-this-video-is-hoot-sterotypical-but.html

Relationship reservoirs and the stock market

2010-07-12T12:19:00.000-04:00

I was talking to someone the other day about relationship stresses. I have done a lot of talking about that subject over the years! If I have learned anything, it is that relationships have a very good history of recovering from hurts, conflicts, blows to the head. The reason is, as one author has said, every relationship has a reservoir of good will. It may be hard to find it on a given day, and you may not believe it is there in a given month, but it usually is.

As a result, one piece of advice I give couples is to resist the temptation to see the relationship itself being on the table every time there is a dispute. The dispute is usually just the dispute, not the relationship! The dispute needs problem-solving, catching the breath, taking a step back for a moment, and so on. It does not need separation, permanent cutting off of communication, or any of a variety of drastic measures. Not normally, not in first instance for sure.

So when I was talking to this person, the image of the stock market came to mind. If you behaved in the stock market the way you are tempted to do in relationship ups and downs, you would go broke!

I took a look at today’s opening on the Toronto Stock Exchange. Wouldn't you know – straight down!

If this were a relationship, we would be charting an argument, a criticism, a rumor, a hurt. We might be so alarmed by the sudden swift change, that we pull the plug on the relationship. We are scared and hurt.

Next I looked at the past decade on the same Exchange. Big hit in 2009 (we all remember the financial meltdown, right?). But If you got out at the bottom, you miss the opportunities for the recovery that has already been taking place.

Finally, I took a look at the really long term, the past century. This time, the Dow Jones Exchange in New York. There is the blip that was the Crash of 1929. Are you ready? The market recovered from even that, and has been on a steady climb ever since. In my experience I would liken that Crash to infidelity in a marriage. Very very serious. Could wipe you out for sure. But I have seen marriages come back from that kind of calamity stronger than when they went in. Why? Because the reservoir of good will still existed; and because the sloppiness was taken out of the system: people quit taking things for granted in the relationship. They started talking, spending time with each other again, and so on.

No image is perfect, this one included. Sometimes the hit is too big, and for any of a number of reasons, you are too tired or too devastated to stay in the game.
But remember the reservoir. It may save your relationship – with a friend, relative, child, parent, or spouse.

Of polls and anarchists

2010-06-28T22:43:00.005-04:00

An article in the Montreal Gazette June 28, 2010, reports on a national poll showing support for the monarchy as ‘lukewarm’ across the country, decidedly cold in Quebec. The occasion of course is the beginning of Her Majesty’s Canadian tour. Interestingly, the same poll looked at attitudes toward some other terms such as ‘socialism’, ‘family values’, etc. “(W)ords such as religion, church, Catholicism and Protestantism drew half-hearted reactions from most Canadians…… And 89 per cent of Canadians gave "family values" a positive response.”

The Anglican Church reviewed the findings, and reported on its website: “ A large majority (77%) of all Canadians say they do care (emphasis added) whether or not the Anglican, Roman Catholic and Presbyterian Churches survive the legal claims against them. Although church goers, regardless of frequency, express concern over the Churches' survival, concern is higher among those who attend regularly (89%) than among those who do not (71%)……. Only 22% of Canadians say they are indifferent to whether the Anglican Roman Catholic and Presbyterian Churches in Canada survive. ……. Forced to choose between making Churches pay claims regardless of consequences or protecting them from bankruptcy, fully 80% of Canadians believe the Churches should be protected from bankruptcy."

So when I look at these comments in aggregate, I am left scratching my head a bit and wondering if the cup is half empty or half full. Is the ‘lukewarm’ reaction to religion words the result of a national decline in interest for all things religious – or is it a sign of the strength of religious beliefs holding up as well as it is under incredibly trying and scandal-plagued times? That it could be much much worse, in other words, if we were not a nation who understood at some level that one’s relationship with God is bigger than the institutions that provide a home for our worship of God.

Another musing. We spent $1 billion to put on the greatest ….. what? ….. show of collaboration among the world’s leaders? …… embarrassment to our country? …… photo-op for the Prime Minister’s next election campaign? …… forging of a strong way forward by those who govern the world’s economies? What is your own take on that? Well, there I was trying to think through the significance of it all, when I see the live coverage of black clad people smashing up downtown Toronto and setting a couple of police cars on fire. I will not repeat the angry thoughts that ran through my head as I watched. But as always happens – without fail – when I am in one of those moods, the thought starts to insinuate itself, ‘These are God’s beloved.’ I tell you, that is tough. I am not only wanting them to be stopped, I have some punitive measures in my head. That is not God’s way. I think of the Prodigal Son. These are wayward folk. Boy are they off track. So cynical, so angry, so despairing of ever having influence in what they see as the power structures in some or all nations. Lash out, disturb, inflict pain, and disrupt. An embarrassment to people who still do believe in the power of protest, and who marched peacefully. What is the response to them? I feel an elder son response coming on big time.

But the Father just waits. And hurts. Not for himself, you understand. That would be us, that would be the elder son, taking it all so personally. No, the Father hurts for the woundedness of people whose wounds further hurt not only themselves but the citizens of the community around them.

I do know what the Father asks. That we pray for them. That we try to find it in our hearts to be less concerned about the punishment than the conversion – less concerned about the handcuffs than the softening of hearts.

I will try. And as I say that, I know that the first heart that needs to be softened is my own.

Let's talk about attachment

2010-06-21T11:43:00.000-04:00

I talked a while ago about the workshop I attended in Ottawa, led by Gordon Neufeld. The theme was bullying, and what I did not say was that the theoretical context was what we in the field know as Attachment Theory.

Briefly this was first articulated in the 1950’s and 1960’s by a British psychiatrist named John Bowlby. He said that the ‘attachment system’ plays out between child and caregiver (parent), and is as built in as the feeding and reproductive systems. In short, when a child is in distress and cries, the child cannot stop the cry until one of two things happens: parent comes and comforts (change diaper, feed, etc), or child is simply exhausted. When the parent responds to comfort, the child’s brain develops the ability be comforted, leading to the day when the older child comforts him or her self. When the response is no response, or a yell or a hit, the baby’s problems increase. Distress intensifies, and no inner template is developing. And the world is on its way to being a very scary place.

You know people who play this out every day, somewhere on the safety scale (you are one of them). You will see those who handle conflict very well; you will see those who take everything personally, and either rage or cry. You will see those who are unfailingly kind and charitable; you will see those whose only interest is themselves, and getting there first. You are seeing the results of what we call secure and insecure attachment patterns.

Attachment relationships occur in every creature species and across the lifetime. When we become adults, the dependence/ independence dynamic is slightly different, in that it does not characterize the relationship (as in parent-child) but rather situations. I need to be taken care of right now, and I need you for that. When you need to be taken care of, I am there for you.

I attended another workshop on attachment this past week, and as always happens, information builds on what you already know. The presenter was Dr. Diane Benoit from Sick Kids hospital in Toronto. I may refer back to her work and that of Dr. Neufeld from time to time, because parents really need to become experts in this and skilled at it. The neat thing for our work is that parents who do not have the skills, can acquire them.

So, for today, here is Dr. Benoit’s list of parent behaviours that produce a severely affected child:

1. Emotional communication errors: contradictory/ mixed signals; failure to initiate response, or inappropriate response, to infant cues of distress;
2. Role/ boundary confusions: role reversal, sexualized behaviour;
3. Disorientation: parent is frightened or disorganized;
4. Intrusiveness/ negativity: attributing negative motivation to the child; tries to control with objects rather than holding, comforting;
5. Withdrawal: distancing self from child; directing child away from self by using toys

You see what is missing in all these; accurate response to distress, through use of the eyes, smiles, voice.

Out here in the orchard, the animals never holler to their young, “I’ll be with you in a little while.” They never ignore the pleadings of their young, and above all they never whack them over the head when the young are in distress. The young learn from the start that they are safe in their parents’ care.

We humans, are so much smarter, right? And we get it wrong many times every day before lunch.

Perfection is never the minimum. But developing the mindset, the awareness of how this works and how important it is, is the minimum. The skills, if we do not already have them, can be learned.

And a big nod in the direction of our relationship with our Creator. Have you noticed? The attachment system starts right there. Our God designed us to be dependent on him. In return God has total regard for us, will never put us off, will never whack us over the head. Never. When those bad times come along, that is not God doing it to us. On the contrary, God is waiting: when the attachment system is turned on in us, God is right there. How neat is that. You are always safe with this caregiver. Always.

Inspired by a Rapper

2010-06-07T16:49:00.000-04:00

His picture was on the front page of the Entertainment section of the Star. I was not going to pay much attention until these words caught my eye: “But the one thing you’ll never hear – or miss – on a Shad song is profanity. “I don’t really curse too much in regular life, so I figure it would be disingenuous to just put that in my music……. And also, who says that has to be the vocabulary of the music? Hip-hop’s always been about doing your own thing and you don’t need to curse to engage people.””

Call me naïve, but I did think that was the vocabulary of the music. My exposure has been limited, but I have heard Eminem. I feel sorry for that guy.

But Shad. I am blown away. This guy has my utmost respect. I do not know anything about him beyond what I read here. I do not know what he does with his life otherwise. But to be willing to go out to your public with this message ….. well, sir, I thank you.

More than that, with my cynicism lowered and my judgementalism looking at me in the mirror, I feel called to clean up my act. Indeed I feel free to do that. Shad made me realize that I carry a bit of a what’s the use mentality. Know what that does? It lowers my resolve, my discipline.

Amazing. And cool (if that doesn’t sound too uncool coming from an old guy!). He doesn’t know it, but he is a gift. To me, anyway. I think the Risen Lord would approve of that. Do you suppose He had anything to do with it?

Perfect game

2010-06-04T12:35:00.004-04:00

Perfection. I was thinking about this concept the other day when major league umpire Jim Joyce blew the call on the last out for Armando Galarraga’s perfect game. Twenty-seven batters up and twenty-seven batters out, is the definition of a perfect game. Replays show that Gallaraga had his perfect game. The last batter was out at first base, but the ump called it wrong. And the call stood. Baseball has no mechanism for overturning such a call. Fans are rightly screaming for video-replay option, to let the umps have a second look.

All my professional life I have been urging people to consider that perfection is not the minimum. This advice is especially important for people who are hard on themselves or on others. Baseball has a clear definition for the perfect game. Life does not.

Out here in the orchard, perfection is not even a consideration. The creatures go about their work. They build, they reproduce, they hunt for food, they feed themselves and their young. If things do not work out, they try again. You see it all the time. Funny that is does not work that way with humans.

We do something and then we evaluate it. We watch someone else do something and then we evaluate that too. How do you score on the harsh-judgment meter?

Sometimes we evaluate our effort even before we do it. And get too nervous to try. So we bail.

Fortunately our God does not see it the way we often do. The story of the Prodigal Son is a tremendous illustration of how God assesses things. Where many of us humans would be yelling at the younger son for being such an ungrateful little jerk, the Father simply welcomes him home. Does God blow the call, then? Or is the message rather that the outcome is not about performance, it is about relationship. God is not hanging out for us to get it right all the time.

In life as in baseball itself, perfection is not the minimum. We would go crazy if it were. Staying in the game is the minimum, always returning to the relationship. We will be called safe, count on it.

Playoffs and Workshops

2010-05-23T12:11:00.000-04:00

It is very difficult being a Leafs fan through the playoffs! You want a Canadian team in all the way, but you have cheered against them all year, every year! Well, sadly it looks as though there will be two American teams (loaded with Canadian players) in the Stanley Cup finals. At that point we Toronto fans can turn our attention again to the Canadian baseball team (loaded with American players!), the Blue Jays. I will try to make sense out of all that one day.

On another note, I just attended a great workshop in Ottawa. It was led by Vancouver psychologist Dr. Gordon Neufeld, of whom I have been aware for some time, and whose writings I have used in my own work with kids and families.

This workshop was on bullying, ‘their making and unmaking.’ I cannot do it justice here, but Dr. Neufeld used a couple of phrases that resonate with our natural parenting instincts, I think. He talked about the need to ‘soften their hearts,’ and this makes a whole lot of sense when you understand how the bullying impulse arises in the first place.

He also talked about the need to make contact with kids in a way that would facilitate the softening process (and act as a preventive measure for all kids). So when you are talking to your kids, ‘collect them with the eyes, first, then with a smile, then with a nod.’ Warm and affirming.

I would commend those two phrases to the mindset of every parent. ‘Collect them with the eyes’. Love it.

Dr. Neufeld’s career roughly parallels mine in time. He has been a researcher, clinician and writer for a long time, and he has put a lot of effort now into putting his accumulated learning and wisdom into books and DVDs. I am not his agent, but this is very good stuff. Parents, you can check it out at http://www.gordonneufeld.com/.

His latest book is titled “Hold on to Your Kids’, and he will soon publish his book on bullying. The bullying lecture, though, is available on DVD.

Celebrating Catholic Youth Conference

2010-05-12T15:28:00.003-04:00

In a world that has become increasingly cynical about pretty much everything, it is great to see our young folks step up to the plate and be counted. This past weekend I attended a wonderful, high energy youth conference that reminded me of World Youth Day 2002, in Toronto. People in the 14-20-ish age range have an energy that is infectious and uplifting. From the MC to the music group to the audience, these young adults are quite capable of showing the Church as it can be, and as they want it to be.

Not that they are alone, either. One individual who I would say is a contemporary of mine (ie, 'elder') told me he was having a great time soaking up this energy and enthusiasm. He was there to help out in a support role, but was finding that he was being more than repaid.

I had a role as a speaker in one of the workshop sessions, and I must say I am thankful. My role got me to the Conference, and I came away thrilled to have been there. My faith was given a shot in the arm, and more than anything I marveled that in an era in which young folks can be forgiven for being cynical about the Church, they showed that they are not cynical about Jesus.

One of the highlights was a skit called the 'Everything Skit.' You may have seen it, as there are several versions of it on You Tube. The one done for this Conference was as good as anything I have seen posted. I include the following link, however, as a particularly good example of the skit. It is very powerful. Notice the reaction of the audience even before the skit comes to a close.

http:// http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA

Here is another link, to let you see some of the Conference pictures from the Archdiocesan website: http://www.romancatholic.kingston.on.ca/

More Light on the Church

2010-04-29T16:09:00.000-04:00

We are all well aware that anger, bitterness, and indignation have characterized much of the reporting and the commentaries around the scandal of sex abuse in the Church.

There remains a great deal of that, many months into the unfolding of the story.

It is becoming clear, however, that the anger has a focus, and it is not really the abuse itself any more. It is the not coming clean, the general lack of transparency, that is exasperating the observers of this moment in history.

Interestingly, a new phenomenon is unfolding out of this. A kind of concordance is happening between the messages of the secular commentators, and those of observers within the Church. There are many examples.

Maureen Dowd writes an op-ed piece in the New York Times. Here is a short selection from her article on April 6 of this year, titled The Church’s Judas Moment:

The church is dying from a thousand cuts. Its cover-up has cost a fortune and been a betrayal worthy of Judas. The money spent came from social programs, Catholic schools and the poor. This should be a sin that cries to heaven for vengeance. We must reassess. Married priests and laypeople giving the sacraments are not going to destroy the church. Based on what we have seen the last 10 years, they would be a bargain. It is time to go back to the disciplines that the church was founded on and remind our seminaries and universities what they are.

Joan Chittister is a Benedictine sister and a prolific Catholic author. She has written some powerful books on spirituality that I have enjoyed very much. Here is an excerpt from a piece she wrote on March 17, 2010, titled Divided Loyalties: an Incredible Situation:

From where I stand, if there are any in whom we should be able to presume a strong conscience and an even stronger commitment to the public welfare, it is surely the priests and religious of the church. But if that is the case, then the church must also review its theology of obedience so that those of good heart can become real moral leaders rather than simply agents of the institution.
A bifurcation of loyalties that requires religious to put canon law above civil law and moral law puts us in a situation where the keepers of religion may themselves become one of the greatest dangers to the credibility -- and the morality -- of the church itself.

Strong words. Is there a theme in articles like these? I think so: the Church needs to find a new way to do business.

Perhaps a new Church is in the offing. Perhaps the priesthood of the laity (Vatican ll) will re-emerge. Father Paul Philbert, a Dominican, puts it this way, starting with a quote from the Council:

“The baptized, by regeneration and the anointing of the Holy Spirit, are consecrated a spiritual house and a holy priesthood, that through all their Christian activities they may offer spiritual sacrifices and proclaim the marvels of him who has called them out of darkness into his wonderful light” (Lumen Gentium 10). In other words, the vocation that the church offers to the faithful is not a secondary role as clients of clerical ministries, but a Spirit-filled participation as pioneers in the church’s role as herald of the kingdom of God.

Perhaps an open, joyous transparency will emerge in this Church. People will come back to that kind of Church. Many have walked away from the secret, dismissive, set apart Church. The scandal locked the door for them.

The world we live in understands that perfection is not the minimum. But it will not tolerate being lied to and talked down to. That went out a long time ago. The Church needs to ‘read the signs of the times’ again, as Pope John XXIII said in calling that great gathering we fondly remember as Vatican II. I suspect a lot of reading is going on as we speak.

Darkness vanishes

2010-04-16T15:42:00.002-04:00

The chirping of the birds is getting louder in the morning. They herald the new season. Activity is starting in the orchard, and even the groundhog paths are becoming visible through the grass.

The weather has been dark lately, and I do not just mean the rain and cold. I mean spiritual weather. It has not been good recently. The pastor and I have preached on the scandals in the Church two weeks in a row. At Easter. Imagine.

But the signs of spring and the Easter lilies remind me there is much more to the season than bad news. Indeed the season is all about the best News the world every had, the triumph of the Cross and Resurrection, our redemption, our second chance.

In its own way, this scandal-laden time is a reminder of how badly we truly need this redemption. Perhaps we have been ‘way to complacent, thinking that Easter was just a nice celebration of the glory of God. Dig a bit deeper, I am thinking.

It is the Deacon’s privilege to sing the Exultet at the Easter Vigil. For the past seventeen years that has been the high point of my Easter experience. I am thinking of it now, thinking of how powerful its message is, not as a moment of piety but as a moment to remember God’s response to our tremendous need. The Exultet is sung in a darkened church, with the light from the new Easter candle piercing that darkness. It announces Easter to the world. Here are a few phrases from the Exultet:

Rejoice O earth in shining splendor, radiant in the brightness of your King… Darkness vanishes forever. Rejoice O Mother Church … the Risen Saviour shines upon you…….. Night truly blessed, when heaven is wedded to earth and we are reconciled with God.

Christ is the light of the morning. A new day. He lets us start over and he leads. May we follow him, trust him, depend on him, and never again lose sight of him.

Of sausage and membership in the Church

2010-04-04T12:44:00.002-04:00

I have heard about the Year of the Priest all this past year. But when the Bishop talked about it at the Chrism Mass in Holy Week, it hit me in a whole different way. What a time for the Year of the Priest! Right now you can take that phrase a few different ways - the year to remember the incredible abuses by priests..... the year to rally behind the priesthood itself ....... the year to point out that so many priests are and have been faithful to their ministry.

It is Easter Sunday today. The news of the past several months has focused on the scandal of abuse, but even more on the real scandal, that of cover-ups, moves, spin-doctoring, and denial. This past week the emphasis has been on what Church leaders have been saying. Some incredible gaffes are still happening, but today I detect a bit of a shift. Bishops around the world - Great Britain, Ireland, Germany, Canada, the U.S. - are showing that they get it. Obfuscation is no longer the order of the day with those men. Honesty, admission, naming the problem, is now the order of the day. And the name of the problem, the one the world has really keyed in on, is not the abuse, as bad as that is. It is the lying and cover ups and denial. Hopefully, there is a tide sweeping through the Church that will continue the theme. Some clergy may feel like they are beating this to death, or that they are getting beat to death. Far from it, they are showing the world what it wanted to see from the beginning. Keep going until the world says it is satisfied.

In the meantime, the Church will survive. There are several terrific articles to that effect. The latest is in today's (April 4, 2010)Toronto Star, by Angelo Persichilli, 'Resilient church will overcome latest scandal.' Yesterday's Toronto Star had a great feature on Southdown, the treatment facility for clergy, located north of Toronto. The article contains really useful information that puts the problem of abuse in some perspective.

Long before the abuse scandal, I had this phrase that I would say to people (It's been so long, I don't know whether I was quoting someone, or made it up on my own): Being up close to Holy Mother Church is like watching sausage being made: you will never eat it again, unless you can live with messiness. The messiness I was initially referring to was the spectrum of personality quirks, politics, spirits of meanness, etc, that I had occasionally encountered in Church leaders. None of which shook my faith for even a moment. Messiness is the order of the day. If it weren't, the Cross and Resurrection - what we are celebrating right now - would have been useless jokes. They aren't jokes, they are needed very badly. What a great reminder all of this is. May its lesson not be lost. We need a purifying in the Church, we need transparency. And we need to be reminded that it is still the place to be. Jesus has not and will not withdraw his promise to us, to be the way, the truth, and the life. We've been acting as though we forgot that. Today is a day tinged by sadness for the victims of abuse, but it is also a day to remember that the Resurrection was for them too. Keep hope alive. Peace to all.

The big disconnect and Holy Week

2010-03-27T21:41:00.000-04:00

Saturday night. It is Passion Sunday, and Holy Week is under way. Every year without fail, something grabs me on this day. No matter what kind of downer I might be in, or what kind of un-spiritual space, Holy Week has a way of reminding me about what is truly important, and how it is that I can function at all in this world. It is the Passion, death, and Resurrection of Jesus without which I would somehow have to get through life on my own. I learned a long time ago that won't work.

The disconnect between the way we humans think of ourselves, on the one hand, and what the Cross did for us, on the other, came into stark relief recently with a news headline. Seems that some civil servants in Ontario were about to be laid off, then paid a huge severance, then hired back to do the exact same job the next day. Commentators and letter writers were making big noises about the greed of it all. One writer begged the civil servants to turn down the manna from the sky. But another commentator noted they probably would not do so, since it would be a function of 'their entitlement to their entitlements.'

Entitlement to their entitlements. That is a new one. I have been writing about the 'age of entitlement' for a number of years now, in which the current generation selectively excuses itself from the rules. Running red lights. Ok for me, not for you. Parking at the door of Tim Horton's with my motor running and the nearest parking space 20 feet away. That's ok for me. You go park in the parking space.

But entitlement to their entitlements. I hadn't thought of that. I have a right to my rights. My rights. Get out of my way.

Holy Week blows that all into smithereens. Jesus knew his rights, don't you think? Wouldn't you have claimed them, in his place?

Instead, his total interest, his total regard, was for us, for everyone but himself. That is what love does. It looks out for the other person, not for 'me.' Hey, you go ahead in line. Hey, sorry I got in your way. Hey, sorry I inconvenienced you. Hey, you know what, you have a good point there .........

May this Holy Week be a time for us to reclaim our freedom - our freedom from the tyranny of entitlement, our freedom for open and unconditional love for one another.

Out in the Orchard, signs of spring are asserting themselves. New life. Resurrection. Triumph over 'me'. The denizens if the Orchard know how this works, let's make sure we are among their numbers.

Have a great Holy Week.

March Break musings

2010-03-20T10:42:00.000-04:00

We made what has turned out to be our annual trip to Niagara-on-the Lake again this year. Don't tell anyone, but at this time of year everything is open including the wineries, hotel prices are great bargains compared to high season, and you have the place largely to yourself. Perfect recipe for relaxing.

We also made our annual pilgrimage to the Shrine of the Little Flower at the Carmelite Monastery in Niagara Falls. They have a reliquary of St. Therese, and a nice display of her writings and memorabilia. A pleasant surprise this year was the finding that the reliquary has been moved from the roped off area of the sanctuary (where you can't go), to the back of the chapel, where you can sit close enough to touch the glass case containing the four relics. A setting for quiet prayer and handing over to St. Therese the cares and worries you bring with you.

*******

Those cares include the spiritual health of our Church. We could not avoid the news of the week that included unsettling reports of sexual and physical abuse in the German and Irish churches. One commentator noted that this was seen to be an American phenomenon in recent years. Now, ironically, it appears to be the case that the Americans responded earlier and more openly, once it all started to come out. An article in today's (March 20) Toronto Star quotes Sr. Nualla Kenny and Dr. John Loftus about their experiences writing two reports on abuse in the Canadian Catholic church. One report in particular, they note, has been largely ignored around the world. Head in the sand mentality still exists. Perhaps this mentality can now really change. Perhaps it will now really have to change. Then we can take some comfort that this is the Church Jesus founded. Meanwhile, the lesson that we are a sinful Church is a humbling reminder that we still need the power of the death and resurrection of Jesus. How timely with Holy Week one week away. Pray for our Church.

Mercy-killing and the right to die

2010-03-08T13:52:00.001-05:00

I was going through some articles I had saved, and found one that has profound importance for the debate on assisted-suicide and mercy-killing. This area is very difficult to spend time with, because death itself is not a nice topic, and also because the moral/ ethical issues are complex. But attend to the issue we should, because it is coming to a hospital bed near you sooner or later. The bed could be your parent’s, your child’s – or your own.

The article I saved was from the Catholic Register, February 21, 2010, in which Sr. Nuala Kenny (whom I had the pleasure of meeting when she worked in Kingston some years ago) reported on a study she had done on assisted suicide requests. She found that “There is no significant association between the desire for hastened death and either the presence of pain or pain intensity.” Rather, depression and hopelessness contribute to a feeling that life is not worth living any more, a condition Sr. Kenny refers to as ‘existential suffering.’ Doctors have difficulty addressing this. In fact, in patients treated for depression, “requests for death are withdrawn.” The moral appears to be that we should look for the reason for the request, since we may be able to help.

All this reminds me of the mercy-killing debate that has raged around the world for many decades, calling into question the value of life itself. Proponents of mercy-killing have as their premise that not all lives have equal value. Related to that is the assumption that no-one could possibly want to live as a handicapped person. I recall reading articles by Dr. C. Everett Koop who was a paediatrician in the U. S., and who went to become Surgeon-General in the Reagan administration. Dr. Koop pointed out the fallacy and arrogance of that assumption. Here is one of his quotes:

It has been my constant experience that disability and unhappiness do not necessarily go together. ……. Some of the most unhappy children whom I have known have all of their physical and mental faculties, and on the other hand some of the happiest youngsters have borne burdens which I myself would find very difficult to bear. Our obligation in such circumstances is to find alternatives for the problems our patients face. I don't consider death an acceptable alternative. With our technology and creativity, we are merely at the beginning of what we can do educationally and in the field of leisure activities for such youngsters. And who knows what happiness is for another person?

The debate on assisted suicide and euthanasia is not going to go away. On the contrary it is heating up. In Canada Bloc Quebecois MP Francine Lalonde has tried repeatedly, and will keep trying, to get Parliament to pass a bill that would legalise assisted suicide and euthanasia. I would urge you to follow the debate by tuning into Alex Schadenberg’s website. http://www.euthanasiaprevention.on.ca/

Olympics are over and the woman at the well has a message for us!

2010-03-01T22:16:00.005-05:00

The Olympics are over, and I have exhaled after nearly turning blue waiting for the BIG game to happen. We won! A very enjoyable two weeks, though it surely did not start out that way when the luger from Georgia died so tragically.

Today, reading through the news reports online, I was so impressed with the gracious tone of the New York Times as they affirmed both the Canadian hockey team and the Olympics overall. They even caught the send-up that was the message of the closing ceremonies.

And so as we come up for air, we find ourselves almost in the middle of Lent. Third Sunday of Lent coming right up. I was at the workshop by Father Tom Rosica last weekend, dealing with the Bible. I came away with a renewed sense that the Bible needs to be the air we breathe as we go about living spiritually and deepening our relationship with God. We meet the Risen Lord "who begs people to touch the feet of his Word." "We are people of the living Word of God that introduces us to a person - Jesus." Watch out for pious practices that are empty, Father said, without Scripture being "breathed into them."

And a thought that hit with special meaning for me - people today will listen to preachers only if they are witnesses. I think he means our homilies - my homilies - can't just be lectures or Bible study or platitudes.

Great thoughts. Need to soak in them a bit. Hey, speaking of water, the Gospel this weekend will be (because we have people preparing for reception into the Church at Easter) the woman at the well. She asks Jesus to give her some of that water he is talking about - you know, the water that after you drink it, you will never be thirsty again.

Thing is, we need to be thirsty to start with, the way this woman was.

The Olympics are over, Lent is on. A great opportunity to think, to soak in God's word, and to work up a great thirst.

I got a reply from Michael Ignatieff

2010-02-22T14:35:00.000-05:00

I received this email today:

Dear Philip Carney:

On behalf of the Liberal Party of Canada, I would like to acknowledge receipt of your recent email concerning the Liberal Party’s request that the Conservative government uphold Canada’s long-standing tradition of recognizing women’s reproductive rights and access to contraception as part of Stephen Harper’s maternal health initiative.

The Liberal Party remains concerned that this initiative will break with Canada’s tradition of funding organizations that advance women’s rights to reproductive choice and access to birth control. Access to contraception and reproductive health services is an integral part of any strategy to empower women. Without reproductive choice or access to birth control, women are less able to benefit from education or economic opportunity, and remain susceptible to gender-based violence and discrimination.

Stephen Harper has shown that he is willing to cut funding to aid groups, like KAIROS, an ecumenical charity, that dare to speak out against the Conservative party line. We need a clear commitment that access to contraception reproductive health services – and the organizations that promote them – will not be jeopardized by the Conservative caucus.

We understand this issue stirs extremely strong feelings and the Liberal Party respects the right of every Canadian to express their views freely and openly.

Yours sincerely,

Office of Michael Ignatieff
Leader of the Liberal Party of Canada

Here is part of what I wrote back:

Dear Office of Michael Ignatieff:

Thank you for your reply to my email.

(A)dvancing the Liberal cause by raising the abortion issue and advocating abortion, is an incredibly cynical way to buy votes. The party can appeal to women in a whole lot of ways besides doing it on the backs of unborn children. I am left gasping for breath at this.

The party risks alienating a lot of voters by going down this path. (T)his is what you are offering me to vote for?

You are a taking a huge gamble here. But what a cynical one it is, that's what gets me.

I and many Canadian voters have been caught off guard by this.

I am watching closely.

Time for a rethink.

Philip Carney

Of compartments and spiritual growth

2010-02-12T11:33:00.000-05:00

The word has cropped up in news articles a few times in the past few weeks. Articles about high profile individuals involved in scandals that take your breath away when you hear about them. The word is ‘compartment’, the verb form being ‘compartmentalize.’
To put it in perspective, this is an action that we all know about. It is one we probably use every day. For example, think of the clerk at the coffee shop that greets you with a smile when you make your purchase in the morning. You will not know about the argument they just had with a family member before they left for work. You will not know about the pressure they feel about unpaid bills. The reason is that they tuck that memory and the feelings that go with it, into a little compartment, just out of sight, so that they can function in their job of serving us. We do the same thing when we greet our family after a difficult day at work. Or at least we try – not letting our sadness or hurt or anger come in to the conversation about the other person’s day.

The problem occurs when we split our life up into segments that have labels of good and evil, holy and unholy, prayer and hate, on them. Putting those elements of ourselves into separate compartments allows us to visit each of them without being affected by the others. When that happens, the part of me that is a person of prayer never gets to deal with the part of me that is so hateful. The part of me that is my compulsive, greedy self, is able to go to the behaviours involved, without being reined in by the part that knows right from wrong.

Why do we create those kinds of compartments?

First, because we like what is in the dark ones: we are in a conflict of interest, and so we eliminate the conflict by having the separate compartment. Second, because whenever we have thought of eliminating the dark one, we realize we can’t. The struggle is too hard: and so we eliminate the struggle by having a separate compartment to go to. Third, because we do not trust God to see us through: maybe we do not trust that God is even aware of this struggle. Maybe we do not know what the Cross and Resurrection were about. Maybe we simply cannot believe that God cares about our struggle. Maybe we are afraid of God, and so we try to hide the dark stuff even from Him.

Here is the first secret of dealing with the compartments and the stuff in them: we do not have to start by emptying the dark ones out. We do not have to change our whole lives in order to be people of wholeness and integrity. That is not what the Cross and the Resurrection were about. No, what we need to do is take down all the walls of the compartments so that the dark stuff simply stands in the light of the ones that contain our prayer (even our ancient history of prayer), our desire to have a relationship with God, our deep down wish to be holy.

The beginning, in other words, is simply being honest with ourselves. We will feel a sense of peace, not of despair, when we let the light of the tiniest bit of holy inside ourselves, shine on the dark stuff. When the compartments know about each other, we will feel great relief. We might even smile. We will know what the Cross and Resurrection are about. They are about healing, not about a requirement for perfection. Start today – enjoy some light. You will know what to do with the dark stuff.

Abortion policy

2010-02-02T17:32:00.001-05:00

The following headline and story appeared in the news today. I immediately sent an email to the Liberal Party of Canada warning them that while I am a card carrying Liberal, any policy initiative made on the backs of unborn children would cost them my membership.

Out here in the Orchard, death occurs in the natural order of things, not with the creatures killing their unborn.

Finance abortion, contraception under health initiative, Ignatieff urges Harper

OTTAWA — Michael Ignatieff has lobbed an abortion grenade into the midst of Prime Minister Stephen Harper's plans to become an international champion of women's and children's health.

The Liberal leader says Harper's commitment must include government aid for "the full gamut" of women's reproductive health services, including abortion and contraception.

Media time, and the ‘iGeners’

2010-02-01T16:27:00.003-05:00

Here we are at St. Paul's trying to expand the way we communicate with people. In this case we are using the parish web site for our Blogs. As I have already noted, Pope Benedict himself urged clergy around the world to follow his lead in this area! Imagine!

Well now comes a study confirming what we already knew or suspected: that you can get too much of a good thing. According to a new study by the Kaiser Family Foundation, (American) youths between 8 and 18 spend an average of 7½ hours a day using media devices - not counting the 1½ hours they spend talking on their cell-phones. They are also multi-tasking within the media usage, eg texting while watching TV or listening to music. The result is that they cram “nearly 11 hours of media content into that seven and a half hours.”

“The study’s findings shocked its authors, who had concluded in 2005 that use could not possibly grow further….. . It found, moreover, that heavy media use is associated with several negatives, including behavior problems and lower grades. “

The New York Times invited commentary by a number of experts around the U.S. One that caught my eye was by Dr. Larry Rosen a psychology professor in California. He said the findings of the study corroborated what he himself has been finding in his research. He coined the term ‘iGeners’, and noted that media is critical for socialization and communication. However, read this:

I have also found that this consumption of media was predictive of psychological and behavioral problems … . What’s more, parenting style was directly related to healthy online behavior: Parents who set clear limits and boundaries but did so with warmth and consultation with their children, had children who were less consumed with media, possessed higher self-esteem, were less depressed and had better relationships with their parents.

That’s the part that really caught my eye. Not just that there is a point where a good thing becomes problematic, but that parents can intervene wisely and effectively. Clear limits and boundaries, set with warmth and consultation. The outcomes are wonderful.

Parents and youths alike, have a good look. You have probably wondered whether there is a problem with high media usage. There is. Parents, you have wondered whether you can do anything about it, since it is everywhere and after all you have funded most of it. You can do something about it, and it sounds like you probably need to.
Couple of ideas: First: talk about including some really rich nourishment in their Internet time. At our house, we have been receiving two powerful e-letters on a regular basis. One is from Fr. Henri Nouwen’s website. Fr. Nouwen died a few years ago, and his followers send out these spiritual gems from his writings. They are short, to the point, and never syrupy. You go to the website (http://www.henrinouwen.org/), and sign up for the emails right on the home page.

If you would like to add something equally well written, with a feminine perspective, Sr. Joan Chittister is for you. She is well known world-wide, and like Fr. Nouwen has written a number of great books. Super writer, lots to think about, never trivial. Go to the website (http://benetvision.org/) and again sign up for the eletter on the main page.

Second, develop a collaborative approach to the issue of media time. More about that soon.

Ministry of Spiritual Direction

2010-01-26T15:30:00.001-05:00

It seemed so natural and attractive for me when I was in studies for the Diaconate back in 1990. I have been a psychologist since 1974, and have always enjoyed being with people in their life journeys. When I went on my first directed retreat at the Jesuit Spirituality Centre in Guelph, I came to understand that the dynamic between my director and me was based on the structure of the Spiritual Exercises written by St. Ignatius in the 16th century. Not only is Ignatius brilliant in his insights into the problem of evil, the way we make choices, the need to choose for God, and so on, my psychologist mind found his way of praying the scriptures with imagining, his way of dialoguing with Jesus and his mother and the Trinity, to be most fascinating. I read everything I could about his life, including his autobiography. I took three workshops in Spiritual Direction over successive summers. And I was hooked.

It was not always easy. The psychologist in me kept wanting to intervene, when I met with people. My instructors would tell me, 'Well that's very interesting, but it's not spiritual direction.' I had to learn that the first task of a person who is journeying with another as they deepen their relationship with Jesus, is to stay out of the way of the Spirit! Instead, listen for the work of the Spirit in the person's life. Help them learn to pray, but above all help them develop a discerning heart, the kind that sees God in all things.

Spiritual Direction is my Diaconate service ministry, and I have been seeing people from all over the diocese, as well as from Kingston itself. What a privilege, what a graced activity. The people I see cannot appreciate this, I suppose, but they bring the most wonderful gift to me as well, that of focusing my attention on God present. Indeed, letting me see God in them.

Anyone interested in exploring this, send me an email at the address shown on the page here. I will get back to you.

Haiti- the limited power of events

2010-01-23T15:37:00.000-05:00

I have found it very difficult to watch the events in Haiti after the earthquake on January 12. So much suffering. Feeling so powerless. Feeling numb after seeing the same clips over and over. But then something started to catch my attention. The first time it was sweet and reassuring. The tenth and twentieth time, with different people each time, it became a confirmed and noticeable pattern. I am referring to the number of people, especially among those who had been trapped and then were freed, who said that they were not scared under the rubble because they handed it over to God. And they trusted God.

They couldn't have made this up. They couldn't have been talking pious platitudes in the face of such reality. They were talking of their real experience and their real behaviour.

I have told so many people so many times in my psychologist's office that the challenge facing them in their difficulty is to not let it determine the kind of day they were having. Events and people do not have that power. It is theirs, they need to claim it for themselves.

The people of Haiti do themselves proud. They witness so beautifully, so simply. God did not cause this tragedy, but God is there with the victims, reminding them that not even a collapsed building wins when they trust their God. God remains the anchor of all meaning in their lives. Thank you, people of Haiti, you have given me a great gift.

Taking the news home

2010-01-17T14:58:00.002-05:00

The image I had of the wise men this year was not so much about finding the manger where Jesus was born, but rather about their return home to report on it. It hit me that we who have been there cannot just walk away and say 'that was neat.' We do need to tell someone. In fact we are challenged to tell someone.

All of that was fresh in my mind as I met with a group of young adult staff at a facility where I do some work. These are street smart people,and they are forever teaching me about what young people are confronted with everyday out there. One of them, who knows I am involved in Church stuff, mentioned he had gone to a Christmas service. We discussed it a bit, and I talked about my ministry and how busy things were at St. Paul's over Christmas. He said how it felt neat being at the Church where he had gone, and suddenly we were discussing liturgy, being taken to Church by our parents when we were young, and so on. Next thing I know, 5 or 6 of the other guys are joining in. People from Pentecostal, Anglican, Catholic, and other traditions, not practicing as far as I could tell, freely sharing about their religion backgrounds in a positive way.

I would never have guessed that such a discussion could take place in that setting. I shudder to think that if I was wrong there, how many other times have I been wrong, and missed great opportunities? I suspect the wise men told their news to a pretty skeptical audience. Did they do it with enthusiasm, with conviction? Did they look for opportunities to do it?

We have been to the manger. We are the wise men, the 'visitors from the east' returning home. Have we told anyone?

Thoughts on the secularization of Christmas

2010-01-10T12:52:00.000-05:00

People who heard my homilies through Advent and Christmas this year may have noticed an urgency around the theme of the secularization of Christmas. I have been surprised at how many of my friends and acquaintances wished me ‘Happy Holidays’, or inquired as to what I would be doing for ‘the holiday’.
This is a recent phenomenon, how did it happen? The best sense I can make of it is that there is a desire not to offend anyone. The flip side of that is wishing to be inclusive. The outcome is that December 25, marking the birth of Christ, is made over as a mere calendar holiday, with gift buying, a couple days off work, and a turkey, at the heart of it.
I was so pleased to hear one satellite radio station I listen to, playing ‘Hanukah’ music throughout the 12 days, and calling it Hanukah music. Another satellite radio station played ‘the best of holiday music’ through December. That would be your traditional Christmas music, Silent Night and O Holy Night, etc, among them.
I was also delighted to read Ben Stein’s piece again, that included this: "I am a Jew ….It doesn't bother me a bit when people say, "Merry Christmas" to me. I don't think they are slighting me or getting ready to put me in a ghetto. In fact, I kind of like it. It shows that we are all brothers and sisters celebrating this happy time of year. It doesn't bother me at all that there is a manger scene on display at a key intersection near my beach house in Malibu. If people want a creche, it's just as fine with me as is the Menorah a few hundred yards away."
I was delighted to read in Andrew Hanon’s column in the Whig Standard November 23, 09: "It’s ok to wish him (21 year old student Amjad K.) a Merry Christmas. “It’s like they’ll start to say it, then stop themselves and ask, “what’s that thing you guys do at this time of year?” For the record, its Eid, the Muslim celebration that marks the end of Ramadan, the month of fasting. But he insists, ‘Merry Christmas’ is just fine. It’s not an issue."
Christians, Jews, and Muslims honour their feasts. It is not any of those groups who wish to negate a feast celebrated by the other. It is, rather, I think, a misguided political correctness at best; and a movement to take religion out of everything public, at worst. That has a destructive impact on all religious observance, not just Christian.
Canadian Sociologist Reg Bibby has discovered repeatedly in his surveys that Canadians, even non-regular church attenders, place importance on the religious significance of events in their lives.
Hopefully we will not give Christ away to secularization. Hopefully Jewish people will not lose Hanukah. Hopefully Muslims will always honour Eid. We are all at risk for diminishing religious significance when we adopt the empty message of ‘happy holidays.’
Out here in the Orchard, all creation honours the Creator. We who live here are indeed, as Ben Stein said, ‘all brothers and sisters’. May we remember to call things by their right names.

A New Year, a new experience

2010-01-05T15:50:00.002-05:00

I have missed writing my article ‘Notes from the Orchard’ in the Diocesan paper Journey. Fr. Leo and I have talked for a while about the blog format for our parish website. Father likes the idea, and so here goes!

Over the 19 years of writing the piece in Journey my reflections evolved to take on the perspective of an observer sitting on the middle of an orchard. There was and is a real orchard. It is the apple orchard at the Jesuit Spirituality Centre ('Loyola House') in Guelph where I have been going on 8-day retreats for about 18 years. My interest in a ministry of Spiritual Direction was nourished there, but along the way the orchard became very special to me. It is a place to stop. To stop and look at nature. You see trees, apples, bees, groundhogs, bugs, birds, and grass, yes grass. Is it just me, or do we walk over and around things all day and not notice them? In this orchard I am able to see Creation and marvel at how it reveals the Creator, the Orchard Master. I came to view the orchard as a template for my life back home, where I also fail to see so much - mostly especially the way God reveals himself. More on that later.

Meanwhile, this is a wonderful way to return to those reflections and to voice them 'out loud', so to speak. From my perspective, the blogs will be short personal reflections on an array of topics, appearing minimally every couple of weeks, and maybe every couple of hours, depending on what is transpiring. Mostly they will follow the ‘Orchard’ pattern of spiritual reflection. At the end of the day, their purpose will be to stimulate thought, discussion, and prayer.

A very Happy and Blessed New Year.